As a child I had no idea what transgender was, neither my parents or hardly anyone else, since i am an 1966 model. Nobody understood why i had such hard time accepting dresses and dolls, i revolted against any girl thing that could exist back then. I wanted blue things, blue shirts and trousers, blue schoolsatchels, all i got was pink this and red that, I hated my parents, grandparents and the world for not even give in once in a while. Then my brothers were born, I could not for the bare life of me understand why they were allowed to boys and not me. I had limited understanding the physical difference between genders, those where the 60’s mind you. But i understood that boys and girls where different somehow, I thought it was the toys and clothes. Deep inside me i had the feeling of being treated as a girl was fundamentally wrong and was very unhappy. When i found out that boys had something i didn’t, and that’s why they were called boys i became very afraid. I thought i was disfigured, i told my mother that but she said i was perfectly fine.
There were things weren’t discussed with kids those days, anything below the belt was tabu and my knowledge was there after. Since i was Blessed with a girls body nobody thought it was wrong in liking boys, but i felt something was wrong even there. I was very confused, i didnt like the boys referring to me as girl, but of course they did, they saw me as one. During my teens i stayed away from them. I had to be in my mid 20’s before a clever doctor told me what was wrong, Finally there was a word for it, and for the first time things made sence.
When you are old as me you’ll find pleasure in the little things in life. In the morning when the cat leaps in silly movement and crying for breakfast, gives you a smile that lasts at least an hour. A smile from a usually grumpy neighbour. So many things that busy people miss during the day. Got so much free time to observe everything around me, the first rays from the sun early in the morning or fish that jumps in the fjord. The smell of the first coffee cup while surfing the net for tha latest news. Buzzing from a fly in the window while soft music streams from the radio. Raindrops on a cobweb in the fall, dragonfly caught in my helmet on a bikingtour
A deer that is surprised by my presence
A bird on a quick visit
I love those small things that brightens my day.
You know something isn’t right when the dentist has tactical gear on when you show up to your appointment. Usually its u that has the fear of dentists. I am not scared, but my dentist is. Last time I lashed out towards him and sent him and his tools to the smithereens. He looked so silly on the floor with everything in a mess around him. Well he didn’t laugh. He had a stern look in his eyes, Olaf you are dangerous, this isnt funny. Now it is time for treatment again, this time he sends me to the hospital, anesthesia is the new weapon against Olaf the berserker.
It is easy to feel safe in my peaceful corner of the world, and thank God that we have been spared of hurricanes, war, terrorism, earthquakes and more. But am i really safe? Maby I am taking my safety for granted? The oil reserves are shrinking, terrorism is creeping closer, and the threat of nuclear war is hanging over us. It’s easy to think that whats happening far away don’t affect us at all. That is a falsum. Nationalism is growing, suddenly some of us are more unsafe then we like to think, groups of people will be hunted, discriminated even killed simply because they do not fit in the new concept. Dark thoughts oh yes, it has happened before and history has a tendency to repeat itself. The difference now is that the world is more transparent, and we are more likely to be able to spot danger much faster then before, and probably be able to stop things before it goes to far, we like to think that, but what if the negative forces grows to strong to fast. Nationalism is spreading like wildfire, we probably should do something with it right away. Who wants to live in a world where only the elites shares the benefits among them self, and the poor fights for scraps, where the sence of responsibility only follows your wallet, not to mention the value of your existence. The world’s population has become colder towards its peers, people seems to have become more egoistic and blind to others. It has become more important to have to give. I remeber a time when everyone looked out for eachother, whe children was safe outside our homes, when kids walked to school on their own. Its not like that anymore. Can we stop this, or is the negative force gone to far. Will we ever be able to feel safe again?
I envy ordinary guys, that can do things that I cant. They find dates, they get boyfriends, i don’t. So why do i not get a boyfriend? Well being transgendered gay person complicates things. Finding someone that accepts me for the person i am seems daunting, Gays wants naturally enough a guy with a package, which i dont have, so when they find out my secret they vanishes into the shadows never to be seen again. Hrmff. Very funny. So if i dont say anything about my secret for a while and let the guy get to know me, he jumps into a fit when he finds out and suddenly I am the worst person on earth, dangit. So what shall i do? If i try tinder or gaysir i end up with guys that thinks somone like me is exotic and fun for a night, but not somone they want to have as a boyfriend. Where to look? Ive always heard that there is somone for everyone, so where i darnation is he hiding?
It is time to present my hometown the last 4 years, a place that has given me lots of positivity and peace in a troublesome time. Stryn in Sogn og Fjordane In north-western Norway. During summertime we have a lot of tourists most Europeans and Asians.
I live in Faleide 7 km north of the town, a place with tranquility and old buildings. This place was the town center 100 years ago, but because of lack of place to increase the town size everything was moved to another location.
I love this place and have no wishes to move. This picture is lying a little bit, these mountains ar taller and steeper then it looks.
This is the view from my house, its beautiful when the fjord are like this. I will tell more later, and of course more from the rest of the country, ive been all over the place, lived at least in 30 places.
Sitting here in my little corner thinking that i might have something to share with the rest of the world. The next thought is, do the world really want to know what i have to say? Is my opinion something to consider? I’ve always been the quiet one in the corner observing everything around me, never accured to me to say something, i wonder why. I do have strong opinions about many things. Now in the very beginning in my new life as a blogger i want to say many things, the problem now is to writing it. What do i expect?, not much really, of course i hope that someone reads my writings and perhaps commenting. I do not expect more than that, having a channel that i can outpour my inner thoughts is far more important than anything else. The challenge now is getting things out, stop being the quiet observer and say something. Oh yeah, maybe stop repeating myself would be a good start :). Now i have to plan my blogging, figure out what my topics shall be, hmmm, lets see what im ending up with, ideas from viewers is welcome.
My thoughts are now with the people who has gotten their homes destroyed by the hurricanes that are raging in America. I have never been forced to flee due to bad weather and I may not fully understand the horror you are experiencing right now. We do have bad weather in Norway, but nothing like the weather over the “pond”. Please take care and help each other, ill pray for your safety, may God be with you.
I swear my cat thinks he is the boss of me, he steals my food, socks and snatches my chocolate out of my hand. He is lurking in the dark, jumps like missile and scares me out of my wits, damn furry terrorist. He steals my chair and declares war when i take it back, hides under my blancket in my bed and attacks me when im going to bed. Did i mention he is black?, Jup bad omen.
Sometimes i meet people who can’t grasp the fact that I only changed physical gender and not my head. It seems impossible for them to understand that my mind, brain and thoughts are the same as before I took the surgery and hormones. Women thinks that I understand their way of reasoning, because i had a vagina before, nope my gal i do not understand, I never understood women around me, not before or after.