Growing up as Transgender

As a child I had no idea what transgender was, neither my parents or hardly anyone else, since i am an 1966 model. Nobody understood why i had such hard time accepting dresses and dolls, i revolted against any girl thing that could exist back then. I wanted blue things, blue shirts and trousers, blue schoolsatchels, all i got was pink this and red that, I hated my parents, grandparents and the world for not even give in once in a while. Then my brothers were born, I could not for the bare life of me understand why they were allowed to boys and not me. I had limited understanding the physical difference between genders, those where the 60’s mind you. But i understood that boys and girls where different somehow, I thought it was the toys and clothes. Deep inside me i had the feeling of being treated as a girl was fundamentally wrong and was very unhappy. When i found out that boys had something i didn’t, and that’s why they were called boys i became very afraid. I thought i was disfigured, i told my mother that but she said i was perfectly fine.

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There were things weren’t discussed with kids those days, anything below the belt was tabu and my knowledge was there after. Since i was Blessed with a girls body nobody thought it was wrong in liking boys, but i felt something was wrong even there. I was very confused, i didnt like the boys referring to me as girl, but of course they did, they saw me as one. During my teens i stayed away from them. I had to be in my mid 20’s before a clever doctor told me what was wrong, Finally there was a word for it, and for the first time things made sence.

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